At the time of this writing, the COVID-19 pandemic has many of us trapped, I mean…um…safe at home with our loved ones trying to slow its progress by social distancing. I have seen some hilarious commentary from stressed out parents who have become homeschool teachers and wives who may strangle their husbands if an escape hatch does not magically appear soon. This challenge is putting the strengths and weaknesses of our individual personalities on display as never before. It also has some of us wondering, “What is wrong with these people in my house?!”
I was a strange child. My favorite pastime was using an adding machine or calculator to find the total dollar amount of the box of cancelled checks my mother received in the mail from the bank each month. (And, yes, I just gave you a hint to my age!) I did play pretend with my dolls, and loved board games, but nothing excited me more than getting the same total of those checks twice in a row. I would sit for hours doing that! I also memorized how to run the cash registers in the local department store we frequented when I was in elementary school. I would watch the cashiers until I knew exactly which buttons they would push next.
When I was ready to enter the workforce, I was naturally enticed by office jobs that enabled me to type and use adding machines. To this day I cannot pass an aisle of computer keyboards, cash registers, or adding machines in an office supply store without walking over to try out the various brands and push the buttons. My mother-in-law gave me a 1957 manual typewriter this past Christmas, and I was over the moon! No one else in my family is infatuated with these machines, so where did I get my obsession?
Another natural ability for me is organization. I can easily put together schedules and budgets. I have organized events for a few hundred people without panic. And planning trips is something I enjoy almost more than taking them. Before it was moved to an app, my grocery list was on a spreadsheet, and I would NEVER consider going to the store without a list!
By now, some of you can totally relate to me. Others are wondering what planet I came from! Please keep reading.
As a young woman, I married into a family that I loved. I didn’t understand them, but I loved them. Trying to work with them on family functions was quite a challenge for me. I’ll give you an example.
Around the dinner table one evening, all of us began to discuss how fun it would be to take a family trip. We even decided Washington D.C. would be a great place to visit. We were so excited at the prospect that everyone was talking at once! The conversation was full of, “I want to go…” and, “I have always wanted to see…” and, “That will be so much fun!”
When I got home, I went to work. I checked airline and hotel prices, figured out a budget to cover the places we wanted to see, came up with some possible dates, and printed out the itinerary. I couldn’t wait to get back with everyone to finalize our plans!
When we were back together again, I excitedly began showing everyone what I had determined and asked them to choose the travel date that would work for them…they just stared at me. You know the look.
Finally, someone found their voice and said, “We were just talking.” Just talking?! How was that even possible?! It sounded like a firm plan that just needed details! I was dumbfounded. They thought me way too serious, and I thought they were crazy. Did I mention we still loved each other?
Sometime after that, a speaker came to our church with a message that helped all of us. He illustrated different personality types using the Bible characters who possessed them. The idea behind his teaching was to show that although we are designed very differently, we have each been given the personality needed for our specific purpose. I have tried and failed to locate the name of the speaker. I wish he knew the impact his teaching made on my life.
There is a popular personality assessment termed DISC that also lines up with the teaching I heard that day. Here is how the two fit together:
D (Bible character Paul)
Determined, domineering, dogmatic – the ones who naturally take charge and tell everyone else what to do. They can seem very bossy, but most of what gets done would never be accomplished without the D’s.
I (Bible character Peter)
Enthusiastic, fun, imaginative – the ones who would rather “wing it” than plan it, or even hear about the plan. They can seem very scattered, but events would have no life without the I’s.
S (Bible character John the Beloved)
Sweet, sensitive, steady – the ones who work to finish what others have started. They can seem very shy, but never underestimate the quiet influence of the S’s.
C (Bible character Thomas)
Cool, calculating, skeptical – the ones who plan with great attention to detail. They can seem unfriendly and untrusting at times, but you can count on the C’s.
We are all some combination of these personalities, and there is typically one trait that stands out above the rest. Did you find yourself in the descriptions above? Did you find your spouse, or child, or boss, or friend?
Something really special happens when we begin to recognize the value of all personality types. We cease trying to be like others and find our place. We cease being frustrated with those who are not like us and appreciate that they complete us. We accomplish much more with much less effort.
If you are a D: Take a breath before barking orders, and make sure those you lead know how much you appreciate their efforts.
If you are an I: Without losing your vibrant spontaneity, be considerate of others by not letting your lack of organization hinder their plans.
If you are an S: Stay sweet (oh, how the world needs you!) and guard your heart from being offended when others unknowingly seem to forget you in the flurry of activity.
If you are a C: Keep your organization skills sharp, so we can all stay on track, but remember it’s okay to let go of your plan sometimes and just breathe.
This subject is far deeper than I could ever take you, so I encourage you to research documentation from the experts. I just wanted to share what I have learned in hopes that it will help smooth the rough edges of relationships you are experiencing with people who were created to be different than you. We are all on this journey together; peace and joy will make the road a lot easier to travel.
P.S. In case you are still wondering, I am a D/C with I/D and S children. I feel ya. 🙂
